Oscar Recap – The Red Carpet

I am not some fashionista wishing for a spot of Joan River’s police panel. But, I have a strong opinion about what works and doesn’t work on the red carpet. To be fun, let’s start with what doesn’t work.

Kristen Stewart. Kristen Stewart, in general, IN LIFE PEOPLE, just doesn’t work on the red carpet. Especially with her dirty hair, her smudgy eye make-up, her Debbie-Downer attitude, and her CRUTCHES (um hello? It’s The Oscars you idiot – suck it up or stay home.) do not work on the red carpet. I can’t even tell you she looked like, because the IDEA of her on the red carpet at The Oscars was enough to know she DOESN’T WORK.

Okay, fine. I’ll include a picture just so you can shake your head as hard as I still am.

What else didn’t work? Honestly, it was a pretty great night for fashion, so I’ll just post up my least faves. Renee Z with her obvious “work done” and Goldfinger-esque dress; Halle Berry (although arguably the most beautiful woman in the world) looked like Beetlejuice; Melissa McCarthy looked like this choice was either a joke or an audition to be in Hairspray; Nicole Kidman came dressed in bondage; and of course, Anne Hathaway’s Madonna nipples trapped inside her Junior Prom dress.

Now to the stars. The REAL stars. The ones who have stylists on THEIR side, making them look good, which inevitably makes them feel good and rock the red carpet.

Personal faves – I LOVED Sally Field’s conservative red dress. a bold color in a conservative cut just about fits the bill perfectly; JHUD – who not only brought down the house of proof that Weight Watchers really does work, but also the Oscar house when she belted her lungs out; Jessica Chastain might be one of the palest redheads on the planet, but she flaunts it (well) and even tosses some red lipstick on top; Charlize, oh Charlize, she can do no wrong, especially now that she is a pixie again; and of course, my pick for the absolutely HANDS-DOWN best dressed, head to toe of the night – Ms. Naomi Watts.